It Was As If You Were Expecting Victory

© Photographer: Rtimages | Agency: Dreamstime.com

It worked for Luper ~ Maybe some 'sit-ins' are in order at the Vital Stats office regarding the "sealed records" system in adoption?

In honor of Martin Luther King Day I'd like to repost this article about civil rights hero, Clara Luper ~ what an inspiration!

I so wish my beautiful Mom and first Mother were here to help celebrate their grandson's birthday this weekend.  What an honor for him to share a birthday near Dr. King's. 

It was as if you were expecting victory: Luper took front seat in segregation fight
by: NORA FROESCHLE
World Staff Writer 7/15/2007

The battle for civil rights in Oklahoma had perhaps its most defining moment in 1958 at a drugstore counter in Oklahoma City. A history teacher named Clara Luper captured the attention of local and national media by organizing what is thought to be one of the first publicized sit-ins. "It was as if you were expecting victory, just waiting on time," Luper, 84, said in a recent interview at her Oklahoma City home. "I just think that it happened yesterday; it's that fresh in my mind."

Sit-inners, as they were called by those in the movement, would gather at Katz Drugstore in Oklahoma City, find an open seat and order a soda. The drinks never came. Sometimes five hours would tick by at Katz and other segregated establishments in Oklahoma City and around the state. Luper, then a history teacher at John Marshall High School, led the student sit-ins with her three children in tow.

"I must have been 11 or 12," said her son Calvin Luper, 60. "It definitely had an effect on my entire life. It made me walk the line straighter than a lot of teenagers." Calvin Luper recalled a cross-country trip to New York City to perform a play for the youth council of the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People. For the first time in their lives, the young people sat at cafe counters in cities and towns along a northern route. "That was a feeling that to this day I cannot adequately describe," Calvin Luper said.

The group was hit with the reality of segregation when they returned home through the South. "I wanted the kids to see segregation in other places than Oklahoma," Clara Luper said. Often referred to as the mother of the civil rights movement in Oklahoma, Luper was arrested 26 times during the six years she led sit-ins in Oklahoma City and around the state. Luper said her father inspired her to believe things could change. Calvin Luper becomes emotional when he talks about his grandfather. "My grandfather never had the opportunity to take us to a restaurant. You know how your grandparents bring you to Furr's . . . he never had the opportunity because of that 'lady' segregation," he said.

But Clara Luper said she always knew a change was going to come. "The majority of blacks never accepted segregation as a way of life. They believed it was a temporary situation," Luper said. In 1964, one sit-inner finally got his drink order. "I didn't worry because I believed in a God that I'd never seen. I just believed," she said.

The Prince Of Egypt: "When You Believe"

I've been hesitant to write this entry, simply because there is much I would like to express ~ so many layers. I truly don't know where to start, or end.

To begin with, I PRAISE God for TEACHING me that He is trustworthy. Yes, even this adoptee with major trust issues. I cried out and He answered me, in so many ways. One way He has proven His love to me is through the miraculous birth of my son, six years ago. He was born on January 14th weighing only a pound, but was not due until April 8th.

A year after his birth, I was reading the Bible and happened to come across the story of the Passover in Exodus. It said that Passover was celebrated the "14th day of the first month" (my son's birthday!). It hit me like a hammer!

When my son was born we continually spoke God's Word over him, during the long hospital stay. We even put a tape in his incubator so healing scriptures would be playing for him 24/7. Although this adoptee was filled with fear, I asked God to please teach me to trust Him. We believed that the healing power of God's Word would infuse life in our son's frail body (Proverbs 4:20-23). Just like the Hebrew children in Exodus applied blood over their doorposts to be spared from destruction, (hence, evil "passed over" them ~ Passover) we put our faith in Jesus' blood to spare our son. 

It wasn't until a year later, and reading about this account in the book of Exodus did I noticed that my son's birthday was the "14th day of the 1st month" ~ the same day the Isrealites celebrated their deliverance from slavery and death.  I felt like God was telling me (yet again) that He knew when my son would be born, and had Life for him.

My son's due date would have been April 8th, and "WOW" is all I could say when I saw that in today's calender, Jew's celebrate Passover in April. Both dates were covered. God KNEW I would need double-confirmation that it was truly Him who planned my son's birth and deliverance. I write with overwhelming thankfulness and tears.

Adoptees, His banner over us is LOVE, and it covers us ~ from birth, through relinquishment, adoption, and search.

The day after my son's birth, I was sitting in my hospital bed with my Bible open, searching for comfort and strength. Amazingly I came across a scripture in Isaiah 66 which gave just that. It said "He will comfort you as a mother comforts her child". I was in despair, not being able to hold my son, feeling all those waves of relinquishment, loneliness, and abandonment wash over me in dread ~ so distraught that my son was alone, without his mother, feeling the same emptiness I had become accustomed to, as an adoptee. BUT GOD spoke to me through that scripture ~ He is able to comfort us just like our own mother would have, could have, should have. His comfort would fill that need for me, and for my son.

Moses was led by God to return to his family of birth (the Jews). He didn't cower from his "exodus", even though it would have been easier to. He couldn't deny his identity and his heritage. It was who he was. Adoptees can't deny who we are.

God will reveal the hidden things, and set our people free of sealed records, hidden identities, secrecy and shame.

I found my natural family years ago and was surprised to find out that I came from a huge Jewish clan. It has been amazing to find these roots and identify, finally, with my heritage. My son's heritage. God is truly about heritage and family. Even when families were separated (look at stories like Moses & Joseph) God brought reunion, reconciliation, truth, and miracles out of the pain people experienced. We just have to believe.

"The Prince of Egypt" is the story of Moses and the complexities of his adoption, search, reunion, and destiny. It is my son's favorite movie right now, so I've had the priviledge of watching it many times!

Here's just a few of the thoughts I could relate to in Moses' journey as an adoptee. One poignant quote from the movie was when Moses was confronted with his true identity and he fled in fear. He ran back to Pharoah's palace to surround himself with the only identity & familiarity he found comfort in. It took many days for him to slowly "wake up" to his true identity as an Isrealite and realize that the life he had lived was not his complete story.  He finally realized, "I did not see because I did not wish to see." How often adoptee's wander in a desert of isolation because fiercely engrained loyalty issues quench or skew our emotions, rather than being free to live in true authenticity?

In the midst of this emotional upheaval, Moses' burned with anger (a very real component of grief) and killed an Egyptian man (his adoptive heritage) who was attacking an Isrealite (his birth heritage). He couldn't forgive himself, and so he fled from it all into the desert. There, God sent refreshing waters to revive him, and he met and married Zipora, who helped restore his trust in "The Tapestry of Life" ~ in himself and his destiny.  THEN God gave him a burning bush experience and restored his lineage.  It was in both families that Moses' destiny was found, and only after going back to his land of birth was his calling fulfilled. 

Philomena

Beautiful landscapes provide the backdrop for a mother and son who look on from a distance. 

Philomena, the true story....shows for one more week at Tulsa's Circle Cinema.  A must see. 

Come to the Table

                                                                        

(originally published 1/12/13)

    

My son, who is a former micro-preemie, celebrates his birthday next week...so thankful for him and for the best 8 years of my life. 

This morning I was looking at the video of the first few months of his life. 

He sat down beside me and asked "is that me"?  

As we watched, he said it made him sad and he didn't want to watch it. 

I think he is just now trying to process his early birth and beginning to grieve. 

He realizes he isn't as big as other kids his age, has sensory issues, and it bothers him. 

It is a full-time job trying to grow his self-confidence, advocate for his education, and just be his Mom.  And his biggest fan.

Today, while trying to search for adoptee access legislation being introduced in OK this year, I came across SB 101.  It creates a Task Force to review services in OK for Adults with Asperger's/Autism.  What I noticed about the bill is that it fails to appoint any autistic adults, the very people for whom they will be making decisions.

As an adult adoptee who attended several Adoption Review Task Force meetings (open to the public) at the Capitol of our great State, without ANY actual adult adoptees on the task force, it struck a familiar and sad chord. 

In fact, those who were appointed were mainly "professionals" who make their living in the business of adoption. 

Adoptees are regarded as perpetual children under the law, even though we grow up,  have voices,  and should be considered the true "experts" on adoption ~ we live it. 

Yet, we are still the only U.S. citizens stripped of the right to access our own birth certificates.  See this post entitled "Human Rights".

In the same way,  aren't autistic adults the true "experts" on living with a sensory/neuro-difference? 

Shouldn't they be the FIRST people, not just invited, but sought after, to sit at the table appointed to make "recommendations" about their own lives?

In "The Autism Rights Movement", a new wave of activists wants to celebrate atypical brain function as a positive identity, not a disability.  

Ari Ne'eman writes,

"While people with diagnoses of autism and Asperger’s have difficulty with social interaction, he added, “we are not incapable of it and can succeed and thrive on our own terms when supported, accepted, and included for who we are.”

Moreover, rather than advocating for a cure, or seeking research into the cause of the much-publicized “autism epidemic,” some activists argue that society needs to change, not autistic people.

I think these self-advocates explain it perfectly in the article,

"Who Should Lead the Autism Rights Movement". 

"Historically,  all civil rights movements have been led by self-advocates, and the autism rights movement is no different. Would MLK or Mandela have been such revolutionary figures had they been white?"  Another wrote, "It's interesting that I read language like 'autistic adults should have a voice'—to me it should be that autistic adults ARE the voice."

Let's let our state legislators know.

Nothing about us without us. 

The Business of Adoption

© Photographer: Icefields | Agency: Dreamstime.com

(originally published 10/17/09)

I went to a meeting recently at the OK State Capitol regarding an Adoption Review Task Force that is meeting monthly to recommend changes in the adoption code. It was created mainly because of an OK Supreme Court report documenting gross unethical practices, including coercion of "birth mothers" to relinquish their children. The task force is mainly composed of adoption agency personel, judges, attorneys, and one birth mother. It is open to the public and there were 5 adoptees there.

A panel of adoptive parents spoke about a new law they want passed called "Cooper's Law." It would nix the current requirement for all relinquishing mothers to appear before a Judge, and allow for them to simply sign the papers in the hospital or somewhere else and it be notarized. Several people spoke out against it.

Anyway, I made the statement that "it isn't too much to ask of any mother to appear before a judge since they are making such an important, permanent decision". And also stated that the "counseling" given by those who work for an adoption agency whose business it is to complete adoptions may be a conflict of interest. 

Sitting through these meetings and hearing a 2 hour discussion of how even "non-profit" adoption agencies (we all know "non-profit" doesn't necessarily mean no profit) don't want to legislate a "fee" cap or "expense" cap for adoptions because each case is so "different" ~ even though there is a case before the OK Supreme Court right now regarding an unethical adoption that cost over $120,000, makes it extremely hard to remain quiet.

We sit through these meetings feeling like this could be a discussion about the selling of cars, but certainly not people. The very people who must sit quietly and not dare speak about our legislated lack of medical history or roots. Even when several U.S. states have passed legislation restoring the right of adult adoptees to obtain their original birth certificates.

At this same meeting a comment was made by one of the task force members that she called the office of vital stats to see if they could track the number of adoptions in OK because it is so unregulated. She said they mentioned that some original birth certificates are coming in with the names of adoptive parents on them already, even before an amended birth certificate is created. I spoke up and asked if the members could address this issue because it is so important for adoptees to have an accurate obc, and it was as if it was such a minor issue they totally dismissed it, like it was so trivial it didn't deserve an answer.

Some would say that the new "open" adoptions are the answer to these issues. That adoptees will not "suffer" the same feelings of genealogical bewilderment because they will know their heritage and may even have contact with their original family. What the agencies fail to address is that "open" adoptions are not protected in law, and can become "closed" adoptions at any time, and many do. Even with "open" adoptions, the adoptee's original birth certificate is still "sealed" and an amended birth certificate created.

Some say WE need to get over our "issues"? The ones still being created, legislated, and dismissed.