All in the Family

© Photographer: Wallybear | Agency: Dreamstime.com
http://www.georgina advocate.com/News/Aurora/article/75600

Aurora
May 29, 2008 10:06 PM

By: Simone Joseph

Stephanie Bursey was born April 14, 1966 in the St. Fernando Valley.

Her mother, Diane Good, who was 21 when she got pregnant, decided to
give up Stephanie for adoption. The baby was given to the relatives of
a nurse who had learned of the young mother’s predicament.

It was the last time mother and daughter were together — until two
weeks ago.

After decades of searching, Ms Bursey tracked down her mother through
Facebook and arranged a meeting.

While waiting for her mother’s flight to arrive at Pearson
International airport from St. Louis May 14, Ms Bursey said she felt
she was being tortured.

So what was Ms Bursey’s reaction when she finally met her mother?

“Giddy, heart pounding, crying, every emotion you can have all at
once,” she said, adding it was all she could do not to pass out.

And Ms Good’s reaction?

“So much like hers. I was anxious to get to her.”

But there were fears.

“What if I am not the mom she was hoping for?” she asked herself.

Ms Bursey had her own fears, worrying her mother might think, “What if
my daughter is totally weird?”

Of course, those fears were never realized.

“I want to pinch myself. I cannot believe I am here,” Ms Good said,
her eyes brimming.

Those emotions paled to the feelings she endured in April 1966 when
she decided, as a single mother, she wasn’t financially able to raise
a baby and felt the infant would be better off with a family.

“It was the most horrendous, hardest decision I had to make,” she said.

Ms Good fought back tears as she thought back to the day she gave
birth to Stephanie.

Her baby was whisked away after the delivery, without Ms Good even
getting to hold her because that was thought to be less cruel than
having mother and daughter grow attached and then trying to separate
them.

Nurses kept coming and saying the baby was the cutest one in the
nursery, Ms Good recalled.

How often did Ms Good think of her daughter from that moment?

“All the time,” she said. “I thought, some day, I will find her or she
will find me.”

She joined adoption sites on the Internet because she knew her
daughter’s adoption records in California were closed.

For her part, Ms Bursey had been searching for her mother on and off
since she was a teenager.

She was raised in Ohio after her adoptive parents moved from
California and she has lived in Ontario for 20 years; 11 of those in
Aurora.

Ms Bursey spent countless hours searching the Internet, but got
discouraged since most adoption sites require both parties sign on. Ms
Bursey knew the name of Ms Good’s grandmother — Mabel LeResche, who
was with the young mother during the pregnancy and, fortunately, she
had an unusual name.

So she did what most people do when trying to track down someone from
the past. She went to Facebook and typed in LaResche.

The search turned up Laura LeResche, who turned out to be a great-
granddaughter of Mabel.

Not wanting to get into all the details, Ms Bursey told Laura she was
looking for family history. Laura provided what she could, but had to
contact her grandfather — Mabel’s son — Doug LeResche. He didn’t know
about any family in Canada, so, Nov. 4, 2007, he sent an e-mail to his
niece, Ms Good.

“He told her there was a Stephanie from Canada looking for information
about the family,” Ms Bursey said. “She knew immediately it was me.”

Mr. LeResche gave Ms Bursey’s e-mail address to his niece and many e-
mail messages and phone calls ensued over the next six months.

For Ms Good, it was rewarding meeting the daughter she had longed for
as well as a granddaughter, Sara, 7, she did not know she had.

And Ms Bursey found out she had two sisters — Jennifer, 39, and Julie,
36 – Ms Good had later in life.

“They both have birthdays coming up. You have to remind me of that,”
Ms Bursey told her mother.

While the process was lengthy, Ms Bursey was able to draw on her
husband, David, who was also adopted, for support.

He found his mom in Newfoundland three years ago and his father in
Alberta a year ago.

His search for his mom was far easier than Ms Bursey’s ordeal.

“We found her by accident while visiting Newfoundland,” she said,
pointing out she got talking to a waitress and mentioned they were
looking for family members. When she mentioned the name of the woman
for whom she was looking, she was shocked when the waitress announced
she knew the woman and handed over a phone number.

After staring at a telephone and working up the courage to dial, he
made the call and was welcomed with open arms. In fact, they’re going
back to the East Coast this summer for family reunion.

“He went from being an only child to having a huge family,” she said.
“You feel more complete.

“The relationship they formed gave me the encouragement to keep
looking for my family.”

"Then She Found Me" & the "Movie" Bonanza

© Photographer: Aero17 | Agency: Dreamstime.com
I finally figured out how to post YouTubes!!!! Can you tell??? lol

So get some popcorn and coke, and enjoy ~ it may take awhile, but these are great. I'm so thankful for the creative people who have been "touched" by adoption and also have computer savvy and the will to create such works. Thank you!

I can't wait to see "Then She Found Me" with Helen Hunt and Bette Midler ~ coming out in June.

Here's the "synopsis":
"A New York schoolteacher hits a midlife crisis when, in quick succession, her husband leaves, her adoptive mother dies, & her real one, an eccentric talk show host, materializes & turns her life upside down as she begins a courtship with the father of one of her students. Directed by Helen Hunt. Stars Matthew Broderick, Colin Firth, Helen Hunt and Bette Midler." (www.thenshefoundme.com)

Poor Helen's character looks like she's the typical adoptee who certainly has the "journey" of a lifetime, complete with relationship "issues" (lol). And Bette!!!!....well, she's Bette! You can't help but LOVE her.

God Loves You

Who am i?

THROUGH MAMA'S EYES - Adoption Reunion

Adoption Lost and Found

Bitter Winds

In tribute to my Mother, Norma Carol...

Unlocking the Heart of Adoption documentary trailer

"Halted Foreign Adoptions Leave Would-Be 'Parents' in Limbo"

Halted foreign adoptions leave would-be parents in limbo

From Samira J. Simone, Harris Whitbeck and Zain Verjee
CNN

(CNN) -- The crib in Ellen Darcy's Boston home has sat empty for more than a year. And in suburban Washington, Laura Teresinski has prepared a nursery for a baby that may never arrive.

They and thousands of prospective parents, eager to adopt children from abroad, have found themselves in an emotional legal limbo since two of the most popular countries for international adoptions -- Guatemala and Vietnam -- recently halted their programs.

Now would-be mothers and fathers around the United States wonder what will become of their quest to adopt a child -- a pursuit that can fray nerves, cost up to $30,000 and span several years.

Guatemala announced this month that it would conduct a case-by-case review of every pending foreign adoption case. That put on hold the adoption plans of about 2,000 American families.

The crackdown comes amid reports that some in Guatemala coerce mothers to relinquish their children for adoption -- or steal the children outright and present them as orphans.
Similar accusations have arisen in Vietnam.

After the United States accused adoption agencies there of corruption and baby-selling, Vietnam said in April that it would no longer allow adoptions to the United States.

"My husband and I were absolutely devastated," Teresinski said. "Adoptive parents have put a lot of emotional energy and a lot of financial resources in the process."

Vietnam's decision affects several hundred families.

Families in the United States adopted 4,728 children from Guatemala and 828 from Vietnam last year.

The halt in adoptions from those two nations unfolds against the backdrop of a dramatic rise in international adoptions in the United States.

The number of foreign-born children adopted by U.S. families more than tripled from 1990 to 2004, when it reached a high of 22,884, though the figure has declined slightly each year since.

In 2007, the U.S. granted visas to 19,613 children so they could join an adoptive family in the United States, according to U.S. State Department figures. About 70 percent of those children came from four countries: China, Guatemala, Russia and Ethiopia.

A few other countries have also halted foreign adoptions at various times, including Kazakhstan and Togo.

Yet the suspensions in Vietnam and Guatemala have had the biggest impact -- they're two of the 10 countries that send the most children to adoptive homes in the Unites States.

Both Guatemalan and U.S. officials fear the system leads to practices such as paying birth mothers for children or, in some instances, coercion.

Officials in both countries say gaps in regulations and the high sums of money at play -- adoptions can cost up to $30,000 -- may have created unintended incentives in a country where the State Department estimates that 80 percent of the population lives in poverty.

The Guatemalan government has said its review could take a month or longer. As for the American families, they can only wait.

"I think it's overkill," said Darcy, who was matched with Carolina last March and was approved to adopt the girl last winter -- typically one of the last steps before the actual adoption is complete.

"No adoptive parent wants to adopt an abducted child -- a child that wasn't voluntarily relinquished -- but to keep them as hostages is unacceptable," Darcy said.

Guatemala plans reforms

U.S. officials say they sympathize with the parents, but that reviews like the one in Guatemala are in the best interest of the children.

"We feel for them, it's a tough situation," said a State Department official who is not authorized to speak on the record.

"(But) they'll have the comfort of knowing American parents in the future who adopt from Guatemala will get children from a system that has all the safeguards in place so that children are not exploited," the official said.

Cleaning up Guatemala's adoption system is a step toward complying with the standards of the Hague Convention on Intercountry Adoption, an international agreement that governs adoptions from one country to another. About 70 nations have signed the convention, which seeks to ensure legitimate foreign adoptions.

The United States joined the international convention last year, and rules governing adoptions from one signatory nation to another took effect April 1.

The United States has stopped issuing visas to Guatemalan children after that date, blocking their travel to America -- at least until concerns are addressed.

"We're not pointing fingers at American parents," the State Department official said.

However, the review and changes in Guatemala will ensure that it "does not become a fertile ground for (wrongful) practices on any person, particularly children, who have not been orphaned."

To offset corruption, the U.S. Embassy has added its own requirement: That birth mothers appear with the baby to request a visa for the baby. In August, officials also began requiring two DNA tests to confirm the identities of mother and child.

Still, the Guatemalan solicitor general's office has identified at least 80 cases of adoption irregularities, including baby stealing and false DNA tests.

And the Guatemalan chief prosecutor's office recently launched a criminal investigation into the two laboratories contracted to take DNA samples from birth mothers and children.

'Serious irregularities' in Vietnam

Similar concerns of corruption recently emerged in Vietnam, where investigators had found "serious adoption irregularities," according to a report by the U.S. Embassy in Hanoi.

Documents had been forged or altered, the embassy said, and some parents were paid, tricked or forced into giving up their children for adoption. In some cases, the embassy said, children were offered for adoption without the knowledge or permission of their parents.

The Vietnamese government has denied the accusations.

Even so, it said in April that it would terminate its adoption agreement with the United States, saying it won't accept applications after July 1. The program is scheduled to end September 1.

Parents in the United States who were matched with an adoptive child in Vietnam before July 1 will be allowed to adopt that child. Prospective parents who had invested time and money, but had not been matched with an adoptive child, appear to be out of luck.

Private adoption agencies insist that nearly all adoptions from Vietnam are problem-free, and they want the adoptions to continue.

"It's hard to let go, because we know we can advocate for these children and make a real difference," said Linda Brownlee, executive director of the nonprofit Adoption Center of Washington, which places children for adoption from Russia, China, Cambodia and Vietnam.

She hopes the United States and Vietnam reach an agreement so that adoptions can continue.


Find this article at:
http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/05/28/international.adoptions/index.html?iref=topnews

Twins Sue for Damages

Twins who were separated at birth sue for damages
Posted: 2008-05-27
MADRID, Spain (AP) - Spanish twins who were separated at birth through a hospital error - then reunited as adults through a fluke - are suing for millions in damages, as is a third woman who grew up thinking, erroneously, that she was one of the twins, a lawyer said Tuesday.

The real twins finally met each other in 2001. The case has been working its way through the courts since 2004. A decision is expected soon on whether the three women deserve damages, said Sebastian Socorro Perdomo, a lawyer for one of the twins.

He would not release the names of any of the women, who are all 35 years old.

Socorro Perdomo said in an interview that his client is seeking $4.7 million from the government of the Canary Islands, where the error occurred in 1973 in the city of Las Palmas. The other two women are also suing, he said.

He said his client was taken out of her crib as her twin sister lay in one right next to her, mistakenly replaced by another baby girl, and ultimately raised by the family of that child.

The other two girls were brought up in the mistaken belief they were twin sisters.

"It does not take a lot of effort to put yourself in the position of any of these people in order to understand the damage that has been done," Socorro Perdomo said.

Of the three, he said his client - taken away from her twin sister and real family - is the most devastated. "Since this discovery, her world has turned a bit upside down," he said.

"The first right of any child is the right to their own personal and family identity," he said. "In this case, that right has been violated."

The error emerged a generation later, through a chance encounter at a clothing store in Las Palmas.

A friend of Socorro Perdomo's client worked in the shop. When a woman who was the spitting image of that client came in and failed to recognize the employee, the clerk was dumbfounded.

When the dead ringer came by the store a second time, the clerk began to put two and two together and arranged for the women to meet.

DNA tests proved they were identical twins, the lawyer said.

It's A Wild World

© Photographer: Erikreis | Agency: Dreamstime.com

(originally posted in 2008)

A little earlier today I found myself standing in front of a huge wall of flowers, picking out just the right ones for Memorial Day. So many in my family have passed on. My adoptive family was older when they "got" me, so I have lost many aunts and uncles who hold special places in my heart.

Red roses for Nanny and her twin sister, Aunt Kay. Lilies for Aunt Hazel and Uncle Dean. Then there are years of memories ~ placing flowers on graves of great grandparents I never met, and feeling no connection whatsoever....but that's another story. It provided a "tradition" and "familiarity" for my childhood "roots".

Well into reunion, I now have the added work of grieving for biological relatives who I had the great blessing of growing close to before their passing ~ my GREAT-GRANDMA Grace, who was the one lady in my blood family actually shorter than me! She passed away at the age of 93, and left me a beautiful painting that now graces my bedroom wall.  Her family (the Derrickson's) were one of the first settlers near Oolagah, OK and were childhood friends with Will Rogers!   

My maternal grandmother, Carolyn, who was a ballroom dancer well into her senior years. The year before she passed away, my husband and I spent New Year's Eve with her dancing to big band sounds ~ what a treasure.

Then there are my paternal grandparents who I grew the closest to...sitting at the dining room table hearing heart-warming stories of their childhood's, growing up in rural Oklahoma, WWII stories of my grandfather's plane making a crash landing with narrow escape, and their travels all over the world, including a trip to Europe on the Concord. Nothing can adequately describe the feelings of completeness and strength these precious years have given me ~ in reunion with my family.

As I was contemplating which flowers for each person, I suddenly realized that a special song was playing over the sound system of the store, and it seemed as if it was right over my head. "Cats in the Cradle" has always reminded me of my Mother ~ Norma Carol. I think it is because of that reminiscent 70's sound that, for some reason, resonates deep in my soul and brings peace to my mind. My connection to her.

It amazed me when her sister told me that one of Norma's favorite songs was "It's a Wild World" ~ when I hear the lyrics of these songs, it seems as if my Mother is singing her love and advice to me from far away. It certainly IS a wild world, and it does take more than a smile...that I have learned.

So...standing there amongst the flowers, hearing the soothing melody ring in my ears, I carefully reached out and pulled out a big bouquet of sunflowers...for my First Mother. The Mother who had no options at a tender, young age in the late 60's, but to lose me. And I her. Twice.

All of a sudden it seemed as if all strength left my body and I went weak. So empty. So helpless....standing with sunflowers gracing my eyes, but feeling so lost inside. She is gone and I miss her so much. I want to touch her and hear her voice, and feel her arms around me ~ just once. It would be so amazing.

My Mother passed away...while searching for me. She thought she was searching for a son, because the hospital personnel and attorney gave her false information during the whole surrender...and since she wasn't given the opportunity to even see me, she had no way of knowing that I was a daughter. I felt her voice singing to me in the store today...

"...When you coming home, son?" "I don't know when,

     But we'll get together then.

You know we'll have a good time then." Tears.

Guatemalan Held in Illegal Adoption

Yet Another....

Guatemalan held in illegal adoption case

By RODRIGO ESTRADA ­

http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5gIW67GSOP-zwIvoNj0Jo1M1TmWXwD90H6DJG0

GUATEMALA CITY (AP) The sister of a Guatemalan congressman was charged
Wednesday with running an illegal adoption ring after police found nine
children in her home.

Police raided Rosalina Rivera's house Tuesday in search of a kidnapped
4-year-old boy, Attorney General Baudilio Portillo said. Officers did not
find the boy, but stumbled upon nine children between seven and 12 months of
age instead.

Rosalina Rivera was taken into custody and released on bail early Wednesday,
Guillermo Melgar, a spokesman for Guatemala's judicial system, told The
Associated Press.

"She said she was just taking care of the babies while their mothers were at
work," but she was unable to say where the birth mothers were, Melgar said.

Rivera is the sister of congressman Gudy Rivera, president of a
congressional committee on minors and family affairs.

Last week, the attorney general announced a full case-by-case review of all
of Guatemala's 2,286 pending foreign adoptions, as authorities overhaul an
adoptions system plagued by fraud and corruption.

Rep. Rivera's committee asked the national Adoptions Council to freeze all
foreign adoptions for at least a month to allow for the review.

Guatemala has been the No. 2 source of adopted babies for U.S. parents after
China, largely because its system is relatively easy to navigate.
Prospective parents paid notaries as much as US$30,000 (euro19,400) to walk
them through the process from start to finish.

Thoughts From My Friend, Lora

© Photographer: Focus_rs | Agency: Dreamstime.com
"Many times when we are in public, I get a sympathetic "awwwww" or that one occasional person who feels deemed to inform me just how "special" my son is... or that GOD only gives "special" children to special moms ~ NO HE DOESN'T.

I didn't ask GOD for this challenge, and believe me, most days are challenging. Raising Jeremy is difficult. I worry about the shunt, his heart, scoliosis, his lack of weight gain, not sleeping, this gene mutation we found, getting all he needs at school...are children being mean to him?...is he hurting and can't tell me what's going on?....

GOD never told us anywhere in his word that we are going to have an easy life. John 6:33 says, "In this life we will have trouble, but do not fear for I have overcome the world." That is my hope.

He will be very gracious at the voice of thy cry: when he shall hear it, he will answer thee, Isaiah 30:19.

I'm not a special mom picked from some "special mommy tree" and I certainly don't deserve a medal for raising my son.

We all have a mission, purpose, plan for our life that GOD instills in us. I don't know what that is for everyone, because my mission is different. He didn't make us all alike or this would be a really dull world. It would be a BLAST, however, if everyone could have a sense of humor...LOL.

My life didn't turn out like I had planned. In fact, I have a hunch that most of our struggles in life aren't "planned" by God, either. We blame Him for ALOT of things that He's crying right along side us about...all the while, reaching out to give restoration and healing.

Jeremy wasn't the child I thought I was going to have almost 9 years ago, but Jeremy is Jeremy, and he's my son...and you know what? LIFE IS GREAT; it's GREAT because GOD is so GOOD."

Lora

Expectant Mom Offended by Offer

It seems there is never a loss for this type of "advertising" to buy human beings...please tell me why this is legal. (Click on the title of this post to view the video news story).

You can read the entire story and "comments" written here:
http://abcnews.go.com/US/story?id=4920936&page=1

Pregnant Waitress Takes Offense When Offer to Adopt Baby Comes With
the Check
The Rules on How to Adopt a Child Vary From State to State
By RUSSELL GOLDMAN
May 24, 2008—


A pregnant waitress working outside Seattle expected to find a tip
left on the table after serving drinks to a large party but instead
found an offer to adopt her baby.

"We wish to adopt a baby. We are a caring, happily married,
financially secure and loving couple. We want to share our joy and
love with a child," read a calling card left with the bill and picked
up by waitress Julie Moore Monday.

Moore and her husband, J.D. Ross, called the number for the couple's
lawyer found on the card not to give him their baby but to give him a
piece of their mind.

"I was just shocked, because they didn't say a word to me about being
pregnant, ask me how my pregnancy is going, or ask me if I was
pregnant or anything," Moore told local television station KING 5.

"I don't wear a wedding ring at work. For them to assume I'm not
married or that because I'm working in a service industry that I
maybe couldn't afford to have a child, I don't know, I felt there
were too many assumptions there," said Moore, who is reportedly five
months pregnant.

Albert Lirhus, a lawyer for the adoptive couple whose names have not
been made public, said the card was not intended for Moore
personally. He said leaving such cards was a common practice in
Washington state among parents looking to adopt.

"People trying to pursue independent adoptions often leave cards and
letters, or buy classified ads. The husband, in this case, left the
card on a bill holder but did not intend it for anyone in
particular," said Lirhus, an adoption lawyer in Seattle.

Lirhus said the husband was not the one who paid the bill and did not
know Moore was pregnant when he left the card.

"He didn't know anyone in the restaurant was expecting a child. He
just left the card in a public place."

The lawyer said his clients were "distraught over this and absolutely
understand why someone would be upset about this."

Lirhus said his number was on the card with instructions to ask
for "Joan." He said "Joan" was not a real person, but a code that
indicated to whoever answered the phone that the call was a priority.

He said his office had received several calls from people who had
found the card. Though none have come with offers of babies, all were
positive and some offered encouragement.

ABC News was unable to reach Julie Moore for comment. Laws about if
and how people looking to adopt can advertise vary from state to
state. In some states adoptive parents are prohibited from
advertising and must work exclusively through agencies.

In other states it is common practice for prospective parents to
place classified ads in newspapers, said Karen Greenberg, president
of the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys and an adoption lawyer
in Boston.

"It is different in every state. In Massachusetts, individuals can't
just go out and begin a search for baby. Adoptive parents need to go
through a state-licensed agency," she said. "In Washington,
apparently, they rely much more on word of mouth."

Couples desperate to adopt have used all manner of media to find a
child. In 2007, a Michigan couple, Sherry and Karl Dittmar, used the
social networking site MySpace to advertise for a pregnant birth
mother willing to give up her child for adoption.

Within weeks of posting their ad, the couple received more than
30,000 page views and ultimately found a woman who was willing to let
the Dittmars adopt her baby, according to the Detroit News.

People using advertising to find a child to adopt need to be
sensitive to the rights and concerns of the birth parent, said Adam
Pertman, executive director of the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption
Institute, an adoption policy think tank.

"Generally, people should not go up to someone on the street who
happens to be pregnant and ask her if they can adopt her baby. There
are many good books and professionals who can instruct parents on how
to best find and adopt a child. None would recommend going into a
coffee shop and asking a waitress if you can have her baby."


Copyright © 2008 ABC News Internet Ventures

"Adoptees Should Have the Right to Know Their Origins"

© Photographer: Ivankmit | Agency: Dreamstime.com
Adoptees should have the right to know their origins
By James M. Hamilton
Article Last Updated: 05/21/2008 05:57:22 PM CDT
http://www.twincities.com/opinion/ci_9336741?nclick_check=1

Gov. Pawlenty vetoed an obscure bit of legislation on May 16, one that
few Minnesotans have heard of and in which even fewer have any
interest. But for tens of thousands of Minnesotans whose lives have been
touched by adoption over the last 90 years, it was a significant event, one
in which Gov. Pawlenty reached the right result for all the wrong
reasons.
Every birth in Minnesota is memorialized by a birth certificate. A
second birth certificate is issued for any minor adopted in Minnesota.
Since 1917, Minnesota has sealed the original birth certificates of those
born and adopted in this state. Initially, the information was locked
away only from the general public. Over the years, however, the law was
changed to prohibit anyone from seeing the original birth certificate,
parent or offspring, adult or child. Under current law, some adult
adoptees have access to their original birth certificates, some don't. It
all depends upon when they were born and whether one of their biological
parents has told the state not to release that information to them.
The bill in question would have changed the situation slightly,
allowing any adoptee at least 19 years of age to obtain an uncertified copy of
his or her original certificate upon request, provided that one of the
birth parents had not already vetoed the adoptee's right to that
information.
Neither the existing law, nor the bill vetoed last week by Gov.
Pawlenty, makes sense to this adoptive father. Why my son should be denied the
right to obtain a copy of his original birth certificate from the
state, while I have the absolute right to my own, is a mystery. Both of our
births were public events, like that of virtually every other person
in this state. Yet, the state decided at some point in the distant past
that some adults in this state should be denied access to this most
fundamental personal information: who they are and where they came from.
No one should have the right to tell the state whether my son may have
access to this information. Yet our current law and the failed attempt
to modify it place that right in the hands of the man and woman who
conceived him. Why? Because he was adopted after being born. Had he been
placed in foster care, he would have the same rights I do. Whether he
was born inside or outside of marriage, he would have the same rights I
do. Whether he had been raised by one parent or two, he would have the
same rights I do. But because he was adopted, the State of Minnesota has
granted either of his biological parents the power to deny him the
right enjoyed by every other non-adopted person in Minnesota: the right to
know from whence he came.
The exercise of this power would not affect only my son. It would
affect all those to whom he is related by blood and who may be deprived of
the possibility of ever knowing him: his father, mother, grandparents,
uncles, aunts, siblings, nieces, nephews, and cousins. All because he
was adopted.
Gov. Pawlenty was right to veto a bill that would have perpetuated this
injustice. Sadly, he did so for all the wrong reasons. His veto was
based not on a recognition of the rights of adult adoptees, but on the
erroneous belief that those who relinquished children for adoption were
in some way promised that the fact of the adoption would be kept forever
secret by the state. He also cited a report that fewer than
one-quarter of biological parents contacted by a single Minnesota adoption agency
preferred not to have identifying information released by the agency.
Fortunately, my son was born in a country that does not seal original
birth certificates. He already has a certified copy of his. He knows his
origins. But thousands of others adopted in Minnesota since 1917 (and
their descendants) will never know theirs, so long as Minnesota
continues to meddle in their private lives.
Ninety-one years of such meddling is more than enough. Perhaps our next
Legislature and our next governor will recognize that the state has no
legitimate role to play in this area of our lives. Perhaps they will
recognize that adult adoptees are indeed adults, not the children they
once were. But they'll need to hear from us to do so.
James M. Hamilton is a St. Paul attorney in private practice and an
adoptive father. His e-mail address is jamesmhamilton@aol.com.

Research-China Blogspot

© Photographer: Devonyu | Agency: Dreamstime.com
I came across the above blog today while "googling" China adoptions. I was saddened to hear about singer-songwriter, Steven Curtis Chapman's youngest "daughter" (adopted from China) being tragically killed in an accident, and it made me remember a sad documentary I saw several months ago. Have been unsuccessfully searching "You Tube" videos all morning, trying to find it again. It was a news documentary from either China or Vietnam, doing an indepth "investigation" into adoption practices in their country and interviewing several young mothers who tearfully reliquished babies for adoption in government-run hospitals that seemed to leave them no option.

I wondered WHERE "Maria" was relinquished in China, and if her first mother will ever know of her fate. So sad for everyone involved. The blog linked above (the title of this post) shares interesting discoveries about child-trafficking issues in Chinese adoptions. Here's a quote from "The Baby Trade":

"Stopping this traffic will be no small feat. The basic economic incentives that rule markets have a powerful hold, even when the trade is for humans. Infants can fetch anywhere between $5,000 and $25,000. Even if the biological parents see only a small fraction of that amount, in impoverished countries that may be a hefty sum. And parents in receiving countries buy babies in spite of corruption, in the hope of giving them a better life, without realizing that they may be encouraging more trafficking ("The Baby Trade", Foreign Affairs, November/December 2003, p.119).

My only gripe about international adoption is the fact that adoptive parents believe that they are truly helping orphaned children, when in fact, many international adoptees are simply not orphaned. Prospective adoptive parents remain on long waiting lists, and eventually get a relatively young child. Babies (not orphans) are born and then housed in "foster homes" for however many months (and dollars) it takes to complete the adoption "process". All the while, children living in orphanages remain and wait...and wait, and are still waiting. It doesn't make sense to me.

Need Fuel?

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Pilots run out of fuel, pray, land near Jesus sign
Posted: 2008-05-21
WELLINGTON, New Zealand (AP) - It seemed like an almost literal answer to their prayers. When two New Zealand pilots ran out of fuel in a microlight airplane they offered prayers and were able to make an emergency landing in a field - coming to rest right next to a sign reading, "Jesus is Lord."

Grant Stubbs and Owen Wilson, both from the town of Blenheim on the country's South Island, were flying up the sloping valley of Pelorus Sound when the engine spluttered, coughed and died.

"My friend and I are both Christians so our immediate reaction in a life-threatening situation was to ask for God's help," Stubbs told The Associated Press on Wednesday.

He said he prayed during the ill-fated flight Sunday that the tiny craft would get over the top of a ridge and that they would find a landing site that was not too steep - or in the nearby sea.

Wilson said that the pair would have been in deep trouble if the fuel had run out five minutes earlier.

"If it had to run out, that was the place to be," he said. "There was an instantaneous answer to prayer as we crossed the ridge and there was an airfield - I didn't know it existed till then."

After Wilson glided the powerless craft to a landing on the grassy strip, the pair noticed they were beside a 20-foot-tall sign that read, "Jesus is Lord - The Bible."

"When we saw that, we started laughing," Stubbs said.

Nearby residents provided them with gas to fly the home-built plane back to base.

4,000 Orphans & Counting

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"4,000 quake orphans so far, China says
Large number of missing may push orphan number higher, official says"

China is the top source of foreign adopted children in the United States, and many Americans have already contacted adoption agencies about earthquake orphans.

However, "I think the Chinese government will start with domestic adoption first," said Joshua Zhong, the co-founder and president of the U.S.-based Chinese Children Adoption International.


It's so hard to watch the news and see the devastation in China. Lord, please continue to work miracles through the rescue teams and bring healing & hope to the people.

I saw an article about Chinese government is doing all they can to help reunite orphaned children with family members and deal with the intense shock and grief of losing their parents. The article even states that it is much too early to tell how many TRUE orphans are affected because of the continuing rescue and search efforts in the earthquake areas.

And THEN we have the Americans who are seemingly overwhelming International Adoption businesses with inquiries about adopting these newly suffering orphans. I'm sure the cutest, youngest babies and toddlers would be whipped out of the country first, if possible, into the homes of "waiting parents" and away from their existing lives, culture, reality, and shock. Of course, this tragedy eliminates even the threat of a pesky "burfmother" clouding the perceived future of newly formed Americanized families. We could change their names (as is usually done) and the young ones might possibly FORGET these unfortunate happenings. Unfortunately, through much debated opinions, international adoption is not THE answer for the children. It may seem to be the answer for "waiting parents" or it may APPEAR to be, at first. But only at first.


4,000 quake orphans so far, China says
Story Highlights
Large number of missing may push orphan number higher, official says

Adoptions won't begin until order restored to quake-hit region

Priority is to reunite families, government says

Editor's note: "China Earthquake: Ruins and Recovery," airs Friday, May 23 at 11 a.m. GMT on CNN International.

MIANYANG, China (AP) -- Last week's deadly earthquake in China has created more than 4,000 orphans, a Chinese official said.

But Chen Kefu, the deputy director for civil affairs in hard-hit Sichuan province, warned at a news conference Wednesday that it will take time to determine the real number of parentless children because of the large number of people still missing and displaced.

The May 12 quake has killed more than 41,000 people and left more than 5 million homeless.

Thousands of Chinese have called government offices and posted their pleas online to adopt an orphan from the quake.

"Every day my ministry receives hundreds of calls," Jiang Li, China's vice minister of civil affairs, told a news conference Tuesday.

The earthquake also robbed many parents of their children, many of whom were killed when their schools collapsed. Chinese newspapers ran photos of piles of dusty bookbags and of small hands emerging from the rubble.

But officials say adoptions won't begin until the earthquake-affected area is brought under order. Until then, local governments will take care of the orphans.

"We've received many inquiries about adoptions, but at present it's simply too early since we're still in the rescue and recovery stage," said Wang Jun of the Chinese Foundation for Poverty Alleviation, who's handling orphan issues in the city of Deyang on the edge of the quake zone.

Officials are first scrambling to reunite children with family members. Newspapers have run children's photos and names, asking the public for help.

Posters with similar information has been posted at the sports stadium in the city of Mianyang, which has turned into a massive relief camp for thousands of survivors.

China is the top source of foreign adopted children in the United States, and many Americans have already contacted adoption agencies about earthquake orphans.

However, "I think the Chinese government will start with domestic adoption first," said Joshua Zhong, the co-founder and president of the U.S.-based Chinese Children Adoption International.
Copyright 2008 The Associated Press. All rights reserved.This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.

All AboutChina • Sichuan Province • Wen Jiabao

Find this article at:
http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/asiapcf/05/22/china.orphans.ap/index.html

"Stand Still"

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"And Moses said unto the people, Fear not, stand still, and see the salvation of the LORD, which He will show to you today...." Exodus 14:13

Believe it or not, there really is a time to stand still -- to bring our physical body into a state of peace. Moses wanted the children of Israel to get out of fear and see the salvation that God was about to bring, but first he had to bring them to a place of rest. Suppose you have a small child who is afraid and is running around the yard in a panic. To help them get control of their emotions, you must not only calm their fear, you need to get them to stop running around and stand still so they can receive the next instruction. As long as they are running around the yard in fear, they will never be able to receive their deliverance.

Try this today. At some point in the day, simply stop what you are doing, bring your busyness to a standstill and commune with the Father. Stay long enough to see His salvation. Experience the exponential impact of bringing your whole spirit, soul and body into alignment with God. Many of you are gripped by fear, paralyzed by depression, riddled with guilt and see no way out. But there is. And it begins with stopping. Stopping your fear. Stopping the continuous motion or activity that keeps you from hearing the still, small voice of God.

And when you have come to a stop... when you have come to the end of yourself and you stand at the precipice of faith, open the eyes of your understanding and see His salvation. See the hope of his calling, the riches of the glory of his inheritance in you and the exceeding greatness of his power toward you who believe. Then lift up your rod (the Word of God) and declare with everything in you the outcome you know God has for you. Fully express with every fiber in your being what you know God wills for you. Then walk confidently into the future, trusting God to make a way where there appears to be none. This is not theory. I have walked this path and experienced His great deliverance and so can you!

Look to God. Change your self-talk. Declare a different outcome. Set a new expectancy. What have you got to lose? Now, what are you doing that is equivalent to running around the yard in fear? What action or movement is keeping you from coming to a place of self imposed rest so you can see the salvation God has for you? That's what you need to stop today. Selah.
(Author Unknown)

Kids or Kidneys?

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"....just as charitable organizations rely on private "gifts" from anonymous donors, parents who give the gift of adoption also have a reasonable right to remain anonymous."

I woke up this morning to find the article below in the Washington Post...still half-awake here, but appalled at the amazing disregard and obvious slant of the writer of this letter. Everything the person says is blatantly in disregard of the adult adoptee AND even the first family. Research has found that an overwhelming number of birth mothers DO NOT WANT CONFIDENTIALITY. They HAD NO CHOICE in most cases because "sealed records" laws were originally implemented to protect the newly formed adoptive family ~ NOT the birthmother. If a birthmother gives up a child for adoption, but for some reason the child is never adopted, but remains in foster care, for example, the child's birth certificate is NEVER sealed. The birthmother's "anonymity" is non-existant. State Supreme Courts have ruled that birthmothers are not promised perpetual anonymity under the law.

But even if it was the case, think about it for a moment ~ WHY should the 'right' of one adult be held in higher regard than the right of an adult adoptee and their children after them to know their IDENTITY? Adoptees are not perpetual children, yet we are regarded as such under the law.

I wrote the above two paragraphs reluctantly, because I didn't even want to waste my time reiterating what has already been written in the literature and supported by the Child Welfare League of America for years ~ unconditional open records for adult adoptees. But I wrote it, so I'll leave it.

The most LUDICROUS part of the letter in the Washington Post is the fact that adult adoptees are pretty much compared to a donated organ!!!!! What????? I couldn't believe what I read at first. But there is was.

We are the GIFT to "charitable" organizations made by 'anonymous' donors (birthmothers who don't ask for confidentiality, but are held to it by "sealed record" laws lobbied for by the 'charitable organizations' themselves ~ the adoption agencies, attorneys, and brokers who work on behalf of their customers ~ the adoptive parents who pay good money for their 'children').

This letter is SO OBVIOUS in revealing the true reason for "sealed records" ~ the GIFT of a child to "selfless" adoptive parents ~ selfless adoptive parents who remain on waiting lists for years to get the chance to pay entire life-savings for a "healthy infant" and yet bypass the thousands of foster children whose entire childhood waits. "Selfless" may not be the word I would use here.

So, I hate to break it to you, oh writer of the letter, but adult adoptees are HUMAN BEINGS ~ we aren't some body part that have no voice, rights, or pain, that can be "donated" to "charity" (a billion-dollar a year industry doesn't quite fit the definition for "charitable" anyway). Since when did infertility become a "charity" at the expense of human rights?

"The Anonymous Gift of Adoption"

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"...just as charitable organizations rely on private "gifts" from anonymous donors, parents who give the gift of adoption also have a reasonable right to remain anonymous."

EDITORIAL: The anonymous gift of adoption
http://washingtontimes.com/article/20080519/EDITORIAL/220852332/1013/editorial

The anonymous gift of adoption

THE WASHINGTON TIMES EDITORIAL
May 19, 2008
It sounds like a dream come true for the tens of thousands of adoptees
in the U.S. -- the ability to find and reconnect with a birth parent or
parents. That was the case for Maine Sen. Paula Benoit, whose highly
publicized ordeal to find her birth parents not only led to meeting new
relatives ( at least three of whom are also ironically lawmakers) but
also to legislative action that changed the law in her state so that
other adult adoptees could do the same. Her efforts propelled and
initiated efforts in a handful of other states to move forward with similar
measures. But in the state of New Jersey, the measure has failed several
times -- and for good reason.

What Mrs. Benoit failed to consider in her identity quest is the
potentially detrimental effect that her law (and others like it) to unseal
birth records could have on parents who choose to privately put their
child up for adoption. It is estimated that there are about 1 million
children in the U.S. who live with adoptive parents and 2 to 4 percent of
American families include an adopted child. There are several kinds of
adoption arrangements that include open, closed (confidential), mediated
(non-identifying) and fully disclosed. While the majority of adoptions
(69 percent) are open, those who choose to take such a step
confidentially should have that option honored, not overturned.

Some adoptees cite medical and heredity reasons for tracking down birth
parents. And while that may be a legitimate concern in some cases, it
is not the norm. In a study of American adolescents, the Search
Institute found that the majority of adolescents simply wanted to know what
their parents "looked like" (94 percent) or "why" they were adopted (72
percent).

And, while openness can be a liberating experience for birth parent and
adoptee, it's not for everyone. Some birth mothers have started new
families and for personal reasons may not want their identity disclosed.
It should be up to them -- when and if they want to share this
information. Anything else is a clear invasion of privacy. Even adoption
advocates caution adoptees when seeking out a birth parent about the kind of
mistakes that happen when a random search goes awry. Search site
adoption.com warns: "Unfortunately, there have been cases of people
contacting ... birthparents claiming to be their ... child, or sibling when this
is not the case. Be aware that this can happen."

There are other not-so-obvious implications of taking away a birth
mother's request for confidentiality. In USA Today, Thomas Atwood,
president of the National Council for Adoption, surmised: "Birth mothers were
promised privacy, and if that promise is broken, fewer women will choose
adoption over abortion." Catholic groups have echoed this sentiment.

There are many famous adoptive parents -- Al Roker, Michelle Pfeiffer,
Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison, Magic Johnson -- who are championed for
their selfless acts of love. There are also famous adoptees, including John
Lennon and Victoria Rowell, who are grateful for the loving homes they
were provided. But you don't often hear about the not so "famous"
birth parents, who for personal (likely hardship) reasons of their own
choose to place their children up for adoption in the hope that it will
provide them a better life.

Adoption is often referred to as a gift. And

.

It's not up to the recipient to find the donor.

The state of Michigan gives a confidential-adoption birth mother the
opportunity to submit her identifying information to the state at any
time, should she have a change of heart. Other states would do just as
well to leave this choice up to the birth mother.

Once Upon a Time....

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Once upon a time the animals had a school.They had four subjects running,climbing,flying, and swimming-and all animals took all subjects.The duck was good at swimming, better than the teachers in fact.He made passing grades in running and flying,but he was almost hopeless in climbing. So they made him drop swimming to practice more climbing. Soon he was only average in swimming.But average is OK,and nobody worried much about it except the duck.The eagle was considered a troublemaker.In his climbing class he beat everybody to the top of the tree,but he had his own way of getting there,which was against the rules.He always had to stay after school and write,Cheating is wrong 500 times. This kept him from soaring,which he loved.But schoolwork comes first.The bear flunked because they said he was lazy, especially in winter.His best time was summer,but school wasn't open then.The penguin never went to school because he couldn't leave home,and they wouldn't start a school out where he lived.The zebra played hooky a lot.The ponies made fun of his stripes,and that made him very sad.The kangaroo started out at the top of the running class,but got discouraged trying to run on all fours like the other kids.The fish quit school because he was bored.To him all four subjects were the same, but nobody understood that. They had never been a fish.The squirrel got A's in climbing,but his flying teacher made him start from the ground up instead of the treetop down. His legs got so sore from practicing takeoffs that he began getting C's and D's in running.But the bee was the biggest problem of all,so the teacher sent him to Dr.Owl for testing.Dr.Owl said that the bees wings were just too small for flying and besides they were in the wrong place.But the bee never saw Dr.Owls report,so he just went ahead and flew anyway. I think I know a bee or two,don't you?

Mother's Day ~ A Loaded Day for Adoptees

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Ok, so I take my Mom to a "Mother/Daughter Tea" Saturday. Mothers and Daughters everywhere. Beautifully decorated tables, each very individual and elaborate ~ a fun contest to "vote" on your favorite, and everything. It was nice.

We sat at a table with two young mothers and their 7 or 8 year old daughters ~ each looking so much alike, acting alike, etc. But I should be used to that by now, right?

Mom and I have almost run out of things to talk about. We just like to sit and observe everybody else. That's ok with me. I had to erect boundaries several years ago in order to "grow up" anyway. Boundaries that aren't very flexible due to fear of being smothered again.

They gave prizes away for the oldest Mom, youngest Mom (good for them!), and the Mom with the most children. The lady announcing the categories made the clarification that the Mom with the most children had to have "born them herself." OH MY GOODNESS.

You can just imagine how QUICKLY she was corrected ~ "Oh yes, OR adopted" she caught herself. I was personally amused by her "faux paux." I mean, in today's society she should have KNOWN she could never have gotten away with such a statement. Just looking around I noticed SEVERAL obviously "adopted" daughters. I wonder if they feel it too?

Mother's Day has always been "off" for me. I don't know why. I think it may be because my birthday actually falls on Mother's Day ALOT. Whoa. I have always been "THE GIFT". ha ha

Have never truly been able to dig deep enough down to truly figure out my real feelings surrounding all that. Just little tid bits of thoughts/feelings that quickly go back into hiding. Mothers, Daughters, my "Mom", my Mother (and all she represents to my selfhood, known and more importantly, UNKNOWN), now MY Motherhood, Grandmothers I grew up with, and those I didn't. No wonder it all seems MORE than a bit overwhelming.

Mothers Are Mothers Are Mothers

"Birthmothers Day" - An Adoptee's Perspective
by Anne Patterson

Of all the most condescending insulting visions of adopters and baby brokers(agencies and attorneys), the day called "Birthmother's Day" would win the prize for ignorance and disregard.

While the traditional adoptee has had to live with a blind invisibility about our issues of loss and grief this celebration takes the whole thing to the largest level of illusion.

Adopted adults have lost their mothers, their fathers, their families, their names, their heritage, their history, the rights to who they were when they were born, their birth certificates, and their identities. It is quite a long list of losses, and one's that should never be ignored.

Few adoptees are allowed to express their true feelings of loss and grief at being separated from their mothers and natural families. Birthmothers Day Celebrations is not only a total disregard for our feelings of sorrow but an overt exploitation of our pain.

I would never expect any mother who surrendered a child to adoption to celebrate that loss. I would further never expect any adopted adult or adopted child to "celebrate" their loss either.

The presumption that we adoptees need a separate day to think of our mothers is shocking.

Most adopted adults have spent years both mourning, dreaming, fantasizing, grieving, hoping and trying to come to terms with our separations and loss in adoption.

This celebration is an "in your face" slap to natural mothers who are seen as not being worthy enough to be thought of, loved or cherished on what a normal society calls "Mothers Day".

To think of my mother (or any mother) "celebrating" separation from their child is very cruel. It would be up there with divorce day "celebrations" and or "celebrating" diseases and other tragedies.

I personally and professionally decry and boycott all days called "Birthmother's Day Celebrations". Neither my mother who surrendered me to adoption, nor I, would wish to celebrate.

If we created "Infertility Celebration Day" I bet those who benefit financially from adoption, and potential adoptive parents might be offended.

Maybe that is what I will do: bake a cake and celebrate another person's pain?? Where is humanity going when such cruel orchestrations exist?

Copyright 2002 © Anne Patterson